Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
