So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
