You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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