I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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