all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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