My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
