she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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