Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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