Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
