thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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