My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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