i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
