He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
