it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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