dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
