Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
