what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize