You smell like stripper and shame
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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