id be glad to
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize