Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
