Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
