If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
