I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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