Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
