She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize