Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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