Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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