i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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