it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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