I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
