I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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