Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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