I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
