I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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