Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
