god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
