a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
