bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
