ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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