I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize