This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
