I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
