i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Boobs are out for the taking
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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