Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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