she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
