I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
