sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
