So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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