I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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