I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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