Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
