the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
