"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
