Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
