You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
