My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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