Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
