Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
