listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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