She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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