yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
