Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
