i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
