can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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