I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
