I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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