Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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